How many of you guys out there - homosexuals - have contemplated over and over again the idea of coming out to their parents and/or friends? How many of you have gone through the following scenarios over and over again, only to come up with one result: NO CAN DO!
Scenario 1: Parents go crazy, dads yell, mothers scream and cry .. the whole indian drama
Scenario 2: Parents insists you get "treatment", start dragging you through a long painful tour of psychiatrists, psychologists and may be throw some local witch doctors into the mix
Scenario 3: Parents disown you and kick you out of the house
Scenario 4: Do all the above, in the exact same order!!
The point is, I don't get it! If homosexuality is a psycological disorder, then why are we blamed for being sick? Else, If homosexuality is a phisyological disorder, then why are we blamed for being a nature-defect? Last and not least, If homosexuality is simply natural - a claim supported majorly by homosexuals and faught against by all relegious figures and authorities - then why again are we being blamed for being merely God's creation, a creation that's simply different from the majority of God's creatures, in much the same way as He sometimes creates blind, deaf, mute, dis-membered babies!!!
I'm seriously open to any, ANY, explanation of homosexuality, tell me it's natural, tell me it's a disorder, tell me it's a disease, a curse, whatever, but just answer this: If it is ANY of the above, then why are we forced to feel remorse over something that we never adopted by choice? Acting upon homosexuality (by actually having a physical relationship with another person) IS A CHOICE, whereas BEING a homosexual is NOT! Why is it that difficult for heterosexuals to consume this simple fact?
AGAIN: I ... AM ... A ... HOMOSEXUAL ... I ... NEVER ... HAD ... A ... RELATIONSHIP ... WITH ... ANY ... GIRL ... BEFORE!
Will someone please tell me how does that make me a sinner and why should that make me so ashamed?
May be I'll contamplate more on possible answers in my next post. Stay tuned!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The First Appearance (aka Coming out!)
well, in simple and "straight" words, I'm simply gay!
As a girl who grew up and lives in Cairo, it's not that "simple" to just spit off that last sentence, neither in person nor behind a screen. But I've had it, at a certain point you have to face yourself before you can even THINK of facing the others. So here I am, giving myself a window to the world, discrete and coward as this window may seem, it's the best I can do for now.
I guess the most prominant question that keeps banging the sides of my head is: how do you really know you're gay? I've never been with a man nor a girl for that matter .. but do you really have to be with one in order to know? The answer is a loud and clear no, as it rings in my head. For all i know, i've always find myself attracted to women ever since my early schooldays. Sometimes I even blame that very same school for my gayness - if I may consider it a condition! - because it was a catholic all-girls school where you can only see boys as they pass infront of you on our way to and from home - usually in scrambled outfits and with much bunching and loud teen throaty voices trying to sound manly and cool!
My first love subject was, obviously, a school mate. I was so madly in love with her and had no problem showing this affection, innocent as it was and childish as everyone looked at it. I've heard once that all children are homosexuals to a certain extent in their early years, due to their mono-sexed communities (girls always play with girls, boys always kick each others' arses) but somehow they'd naturally snap out of it as they grow up. I never did. In college, I fell in love several times, with many girls. Yet it was always innocent, platonic and non phsyical. Of course I enjoyed the hands holding and pecks on cheeks and all that stuff (Arab countries are a heaven for lesbians, since every possible physical interaction apart from french-kisses and intercourse is highly tolerated between same sexes) but it never got any further than that. It never did up till this moment. Which re-enforces the question again: How do you know you're a lesbian if you never had any actual "mutual" relationship with a girl before? Well I just know. I know because I never feel attracted to ANY guy, be him the world's most handsome man by all human measurements, while I find myself physically attracted to a lot of women, to the extent that sometimes I find myself making a mental casual comment about how hot a passing by chick is in much the same manner as male friends would!
Why I choose the nickname Cameo? Cameo is a special appearance in a movie, much the same way as my appearance in this life, and on this place of the world. I'm nothing but a special appearance, I don't have a main role in this life, not as a homosexual at least, but at least I acknowledge the fact that I'm special.
First comes the acknoweldgement .. hopefully liberation is to follow.
As a girl who grew up and lives in Cairo, it's not that "simple" to just spit off that last sentence, neither in person nor behind a screen. But I've had it, at a certain point you have to face yourself before you can even THINK of facing the others. So here I am, giving myself a window to the world, discrete and coward as this window may seem, it's the best I can do for now.
I guess the most prominant question that keeps banging the sides of my head is: how do you really know you're gay? I've never been with a man nor a girl for that matter .. but do you really have to be with one in order to know? The answer is a loud and clear no, as it rings in my head. For all i know, i've always find myself attracted to women ever since my early schooldays. Sometimes I even blame that very same school for my gayness - if I may consider it a condition! - because it was a catholic all-girls school where you can only see boys as they pass infront of you on our way to and from home - usually in scrambled outfits and with much bunching and loud teen throaty voices trying to sound manly and cool!
My first love subject was, obviously, a school mate. I was so madly in love with her and had no problem showing this affection, innocent as it was and childish as everyone looked at it. I've heard once that all children are homosexuals to a certain extent in their early years, due to their mono-sexed communities (girls always play with girls, boys always kick each others' arses) but somehow they'd naturally snap out of it as they grow up. I never did. In college, I fell in love several times, with many girls. Yet it was always innocent, platonic and non phsyical. Of course I enjoyed the hands holding and pecks on cheeks and all that stuff (Arab countries are a heaven for lesbians, since every possible physical interaction apart from french-kisses and intercourse is highly tolerated between same sexes) but it never got any further than that. It never did up till this moment. Which re-enforces the question again: How do you know you're a lesbian if you never had any actual "mutual" relationship with a girl before? Well I just know. I know because I never feel attracted to ANY guy, be him the world's most handsome man by all human measurements, while I find myself physically attracted to a lot of women, to the extent that sometimes I find myself making a mental casual comment about how hot a passing by chick is in much the same manner as male friends would!
Why I choose the nickname Cameo? Cameo is a special appearance in a movie, much the same way as my appearance in this life, and on this place of the world. I'm nothing but a special appearance, I don't have a main role in this life, not as a homosexual at least, but at least I acknowledge the fact that I'm special.
First comes the acknoweldgement .. hopefully liberation is to follow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
